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3 Ways to Improve Your Sex Life - wikiHow

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Learn why people trust wikiHow CategoriesHealthReproductive System HealthSexual ActivityHow to Improve Your Sex Life Download Article Explore this Article methods 1 Spicing it Up 2 Talking to Your Partner 3 Making Time for Intimacy Other Sections Questions & Answers Tips and Warnings Related Articles References Article Summary Co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS Last Updated: May 19, 2020 References Approved Download Article X This article was co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Wisconsin specializing in Addictions and Mental Health. She provides therapy to people who struggle with addictions, mental health, and trauma in community health settings and private practice. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011. There are 23 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. wikiHow marks an article as reader-approved once it receives enough positive feedback. In this case, 85% of readers who voted found the article helpful, earning it our reader-approved status. This article has been viewed 1,025,120 times. Sex is more than a physical release, it is a way to intimately connect with another human. But sometimes distractions can interfere with your ability to connect with your partner. Maybe it's work, school, or kids that dominate your time. Whatever your distraction is, sex is often the thing that gets kicked to the curb in your relationship. You don't have to let life get in the way of having the sex that you want to have, though. Keeping your sex life fresh and exciting is easy if you communicate and make an effort as partners to spice things up and have fun with each other in the bedroom (and elsewhere). Steps Method 1 of 3: Spicing it Up {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/d\/dd\/Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-1-Version-3.jpg\/v4-460px-Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-1-Version-3.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/d\/dd\/Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-1-Version-3.jpg\/aid360273-v4-728px-Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-1-Version-3.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":"728","bigHeight":"546","licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>License: <a rel=\"nofollow\" class=\"external text\" href=\"https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc-sa\/3.0\/\">Creative Commons<\/a><br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"} 1 Explore your own body. To feel comfortable and intimate with a partner, feel comfortable and intimate with yourself. This includes being connected to your body and your feelings.[1] X Research source Feel free to experience and express the way you feel. Learn how you like to be touched, what turns you on, and how your body reacts to different stimulus. You can explore your body with your partner, too. Using a vibrator can help a woman explore her own sexual responses, and can show her partner what she enjoys.[2] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/1\/1c\/Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-2-Version-3.jpg\/v4-460px-Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-2-Version-3.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/1\/1c\/Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-2-Version-3.jpg\/aid360273-v4-728px-Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-2-Version-3.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":"728","bigHeight":"546","licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>License: <a rel=\"nofollow\" class=\"external text\" href=\"https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc-sa\/3.0\/\">Creative Commons<\/a><br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"} 2 Relax before sex. Use some relaxation techniques before becoming intimate with your partner. This will help take the focus off of performance. Strive to enjoy every moment of the experience. Take some deep breaths and consciously relax tight muscles.[3] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source Relax with your partner. Take deep breaths together and enter into a relaxed physical and emotional space. If you struggle with performance anxiety, check out How to Deal with Sexual Performance Anxiety. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/c\/cb\/Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-3-Version-3.jpg\/v4-460px-Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-3-Version-3.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/c\/cb\/Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-3-Version-3.jpg\/aid360273-v4-728px-Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-3-Version-3.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":"728","bigHeight":"546","licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>License: <a rel=\"nofollow\" class=\"external text\" href=\"https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc-sa\/3.0\/\">Creative Commons<\/a><br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"} 3 Concentrate on foreplay. Sometimes sex can start to feel scripted, like you're moving quickly from A to B to C. Slow down and focus on sensuality before diving into sex. Foreplay is about exciting both partners equally.[4] X Research source Trade massages before you have sex, and spend a particular length of time exploring each other's bodies before you're allowed to move on. Make the touching part of sex as long and luxurious as possible. Put on soft music and make an evening of it. Take your time. Focus on pleasuring your partner and giving excitement. Then, revel in pleasure when it’s returned to you. Many women benefit most from clitoral stimulation during foreplay.[5] X Research source {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/d\/d2\/Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-4-Version-3.jpg\/v4-460px-Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-4-Version-3.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/d\/d2\/Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-4-Version-3.jpg\/aid360273-v4-728px-Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-4-Version-3.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":"728","bigHeight":"546","licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>License: <a rel=\"nofollow\" class=\"external text\" href=\"https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc-sa\/3.0\/\">Creative Commons<\/a><br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"} 4 Take your time. Don’t approach sex as something to do and then get done. Slow down and enjoy every aspect of sex. Experience the pleasure of being touched, and return the touch to your partner. Enjoy touching and being touched. Engage in non-sexual touching before moving onto sexual touch. Enjoy the feeling of your partner’s body and take it slow.[6] X Research source Practice sensate focus. This exercise helps build trust and intimacy over a gradual period of time (20–40 minutes), and helps relieve performance anxiety. Taking turns, engage in increasing touch with your partner. First start with non-sexual touch to your partner, touching the torso, arms, legs. Then include increasing sexual touch, around the breasts/nipples and groin area, but not touching genitals. Finally, engage in more sexual touch, including genital touch or light stimulation. You can choose to engage in sex afterward. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/4\/48\/Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-5-Version-3.jpg\/v4-460px-Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-5-Version-3.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/4\/48\/Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-5-Version-3.jpg\/aid360273-v4-728px-Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-5-Version-3.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":"728","bigHeight":"546","licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>License: <a rel=\"nofollow\" class=\"external text\" href=\"https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc-sa\/3.0\/\">Creative Commons<\/a><br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"} 5 Be spontaneous. One of the most common ways a sex life can become mundane is that it becomes a routine. Maybe you only ever have sex in the mornings, or on particular days when you get a break from work, school, or kids. Spice things up by having sex at unexpected times, in unexpected ways, or in unexpected places. Further, don’t be afraid to masturbate; masturbation can be a healthy part of a relationship.[7] X Research source {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/d\/d3\/Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-6-Version-3.jpg\/v4-460px-Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-6-Version-3.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/d\/d3\/Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-6-Version-3.jpg\/aid360273-v4-728px-Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-6-Version-3.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":"728","bigHeight":"546","licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>License: <a rel=\"nofollow\" class=\"external text\" href=\"https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc-sa\/3.0\/\">Creative Commons<\/a><br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"} 6 Explore your kinky side. If introducing toys and costumes into the bedroom seems exciting and fun for both of you, go for it. Be as kinky as you want to be. As long as your relationship puts honesty and communication first, there's no wrong way to have sex.[8] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source Add to the fantasy with role-playing. You both could dress up in costumes and call each other by different names. Blindfolds are easy ways to make sex suddenly touch-focused and different. If you're into it, go the sensory-deprivation route. Some couples in long term relationships like to relive the early stages of their dating, when they couldn't get enough of one another. Plan to meet separately at a bar you used to frequent and pretend like you don't know each other. Go through all the motions of the first blind date, and pretend you don't know anything about the other's sexual likes. Go from there. Method 2 of 3: Talking to Your Partner {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/e\/ee\/Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-7-Version-3.jpg\/v4-460px-Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-7-Version-3.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/e\/ee\/Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-7-Version-3.jpg\/aid360273-v4-728px-Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-7-Version-3.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":"728","bigHeight":"546","licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>License: <a rel=\"nofollow\" class=\"external text\" href=\"https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc-sa\/3.0\/\">Creative Commons<\/a><br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"} 1 Tell your partner what you like. The safest, smartest, and quickest way to improve your sex life is to communicate openly with your partner. Tell your partner what turns you on and what turns you off. Discuss your limitations and your ambitions for your sex life. Tell your partner anything they need to know to make your sex life as pleasurable as possible.[9] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source Don’t focus on what your partner is doing wrong, instead, focus on expressing your desires. Use “I” statements, such as “I like it when you touch me like this” or “I’d feel more comfortable waiting for that.”[10] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source If you find it difficult or embarrassing to talk about sex with your partner, do simultaneous free-writes and share your writing with each other, or turn off the lights and talking in the dark. Talking builds trust and intimacy. While it may seem hotter to cut to the chase, talking in the early stages of your relationship will help you avoid awkwardness and build the trust necessary to facilitate a healthy sex life. Don't do anything you're not ready for. Talk about it first. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/f\/f8\/Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-8-Version-3.jpg\/v4-460px-Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-8-Version-3.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/f\/f8\/Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-8-Version-3.jpg\/aid360273-v4-728px-Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-8-Version-3.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":"728","bigHeight":"546","licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>License: <a rel=\"nofollow\" class=\"external text\" href=\"https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc-sa\/3.0\/\">Creative Commons<\/a><br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"} 2 Be specific. When talking about sex, we often get sheepish and fall somewhat short of talking as specifically as would be helpful. Try to be as specific as possible so your partner doesn't have to work to decode your messages.[11] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source Instead of saying, "I wish we'd have more sex" or "I wish we'd have different sex," tell your partner how much you love being with them and how you want to work on building your intimacy with each other. Then discuss specific things you'd like to do together, or specific things you'd like to change. Don’t fake anything. This damages trust and intimacy in the relationship. Instead, make your desires known and be honest of what is and isn’t working.[12] X Research source {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/8\/81\/Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-9-Version-3.jpg\/v4-460px-Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-9-Version-3.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/8\/81\/Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-9-Version-3.jpg\/aid360273-v4-728px-Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-9-Version-3.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":"728","bigHeight":"546","licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>License: <a rel=\"nofollow\" class=\"external text\" href=\"https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc-sa\/3.0\/\">Creative Commons<\/a><br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"} 3 Be honest about changes in your body. Both men and women experience physical changes that can affect their sex lives.[13] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source If menopause is changing your libido, say something. It’s better than your partner thinking you are uninterested. If you are experiencing erectile dysfunction, talk with your partner and your doctor. The condition is often easily treated and is nothing to be embarrassed about.[14] X Trustworthy Source Mayo Clinic Educational website from one of the world's leading hospitals Go to source {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/6\/6c\/Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-10-Version-2.jpg\/v4-460px-Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-10-Version-2.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/6\/6c\/Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-10-Version-2.jpg\/aid360273-v4-728px-Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-10-Version-2.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":"728","bigHeight":"546","licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>License: <a rel=\"nofollow\" class=\"external text\" href=\"https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc-sa\/3.0\/\">Creative Commons<\/a><br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"} 4 Engage in mutually pleasurable activities. Maybe you shrug off having a higher sex drive than your partner, but perhaps you are not engaging in the most interesting sex for your partner. Discuss what each of you likes that the other partner does. Then, discuss things you’d like to introduce that may be new or different. The goal is to ensure the happiness of both partners in mutual pleasure.[15] X Research source Approach this discussion with a non-judgmental attitude and do not be afraid of shame; feel safe discussing sexuality with your partner. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/2\/2e\/Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-11-Version-2.jpg\/v4-460px-Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-11-Version-2.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/2\/2e\/Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-11-Version-2.jpg\/aid360273-v4-728px-Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-11-Version-2.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":"728","bigHeight":"546","licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>License: <a rel=\"nofollow\" class=\"external text\" href=\"https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc-sa\/3.0\/\">Creative Commons<\/a><br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"} 5 Share fantasies. Talk about the things you fantasize about, the things that turn you on. Write them down if you feel sheepish and then discuss them with your partner. If something comes up in conversation, like when you're watching television or reading a magazine, ask "What do you think of that?" Be honest and be open with your partner. Sharing fantasies can be refreshing in your sex life.[16] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source The brain is your most sensitive sexual organ. Discussing fantasies doesn't necessarily mean you're going to act them out in real life, but in a trusting and open relationship, discussing fantasies of all sorts can be an open door to explore your sexual side and keep your sex life fresh, spontaneous, and fun. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/5\/53\/Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-12-Version-2.jpg\/v4-460px-Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-12-Version-2.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/5\/53\/Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-12-Version-2.jpg\/aid360273-v4-728px-Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-12-Version-2.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":"728","bigHeight":"546","licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>License: <a rel=\"nofollow\" class=\"external text\" href=\"https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc-sa\/3.0\/\">Creative Commons<\/a><br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"} 6 Connect with your partner. Before sexually connecting, try connecting in different ways. These ways may differ from couple to couple, so it’s important to connect in meaningful ways as a couple. Find the ways you meaningfully connect, then engage these interactions before sex. Intimacy can include intellectual, experiential, and emotional connection.[17] X Research source You want to build a sense of intimacy and trust as a foundation. Emotionally connect through heart-filled conversation, sharing your feelings and practicing empathy. Intellectually connect by discussing a topic you both care about. Connect physically with your partner by sitting across from each other and staring into each other’s eyes. It may feel silly or you might start to feel vulnerable, but keep with it and maintain this intimacy until you are ready to move forward. Method 3 of 3: Making Time for Intimacy {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/d\/d8\/Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-13.jpg\/v4-460px-Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-13.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/d\/d8\/Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-13.jpg\/aid360273-v4-728px-Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-13.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":"728","bigHeight":"546","licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>License: <a rel=\"nofollow\" class=\"external text\" href=\"https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc-sa\/3.0\/\">Creative Commons<\/a><br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"} 1 Make time for sex. You may think scheduling time for sex is not romantic, or that sex is better when it’s spontaneous, but give it a chance. If you are always "too busy," this is one way to nail down your priorities.[18] X Research source Plan one day each week that you commit to having sex with your partner. Throughout the day, build up the excitement and build the tension. Make it something you and your partner look forward to doing. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/d\/df\/Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-14.jpg\/v4-460px-Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-14.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/d\/df\/Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-14.jpg\/aid360273-v4-728px-Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-14.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":"728","bigHeight":"546","licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>License: <a rel=\"nofollow\" class=\"external text\" href=\"https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc-sa\/3.0\/\">Creative Commons<\/a><br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"} 2 Take a vacation together. Even a short weekend away can alleviate the burden of daily life. Sometimes work, school, or kids present too many distractions that interfere with your sex drive.[19] X Research source Break away from routine by eliminating distractions and allow your focus to be on your partner and your relationship. If need be, find a babysitter (or pet sitter) and take a mini-vacation. It can be as simple as camping in the woods or going to a little motel down the road. Your budget won't allow for travel? Take a vacation at home by shutting off the computer and cell phones, turning off the TV, and making a point to connect with your partner. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/4\/47\/Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-15.jpg\/v4-460px-Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-15.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/4\/47\/Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-15.jpg\/aid360273-v4-728px-Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-15.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":"728","bigHeight":"546","licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>License: <a rel=\"nofollow\" class=\"external text\" href=\"https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc-sa\/3.0\/\">Creative Commons<\/a><br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"} 3 Create a beautiful space. Light some candles, invest in some silky sheets, and make your bedroom a sanctuary for the two of you. Create positive associations in the bedroom and get rid of anything that doesn’t appear inviting: piles of laundry, work papers, or children’s toys.[20] X Research source {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/7\/7e\/Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-16.jpg\/v4-460px-Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-16.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/7\/7e\/Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-16.jpg\/aid360273-v4-728px-Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-16.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":"728","bigHeight":"546","licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>License: <a rel=\"nofollow\" class=\"external text\" href=\"https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc-sa\/3.0\/\">Creative Commons<\/a><br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"} 4 Initiate sex with your partner. If you've been passive leading up to your intimate sessions, take the lead for a change. If you feel like you're always the one to initiate sex, talk to your partner about it and tell them that you don't want to feel like the sex hound in the relationship. Make sure everything is out on the table and that you're both satisfied with the way things progress.[21] X Research source {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/c\/c9\/Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-17.jpg\/v4-460px-Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-17.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/c\/c9\/Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-17.jpg\/aid360273-v4-728px-Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-17.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":"728","bigHeight":"546","licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>License: <a rel=\"nofollow\" class=\"external text\" href=\"https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc-sa\/3.0\/\">Creative Commons<\/a><br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"} 5 Practice emotional intimacy as well as physical intimacy. Your sex life is about more than what happens between the sheets. If you're not close emotionally, if you're not spending time together and understanding each other, the sex will suffer and so will your relationship.[22] X Research source You have to talk and you have to spend time with each other, taking care of every aspect of your relationship. Feel comfortable enough with your partner to share your hopes, fears, dreams, and desires. Experience vulnerability by opening up and being accepted by your partner. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/c\/c9\/Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-18.jpg\/v4-460px-Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-18.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/c\/c9\/Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-18.jpg\/aid360273-v4-728px-Improve-Your-Sex-Life-Step-18.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":"728","bigHeight":"546","licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>License: <a rel=\"nofollow\" class=\"external text\" href=\"https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc-sa\/3.0\/\">Creative Commons<\/a><br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"} 6 See a counselor. If your fears of intimacy or anxiety greatly impact your relationship, consider seeing a therapist. A therapist can help you explore ways to experience intimacy with your partner, work through anxiety, and communicate more effectively. You can see a counselor as a couple or individually, or both.[23] X Research source A therapist can help work through problems that may interfere with intimacy, such as past sexual abuse, emotional problems, and can help foster safe and positive attitudes toward sex. For more information, check out How to Find a Sex Therapist. Community Q&A Search Add New Question Question Is it healthy for a married couple to go on 3 months without having sex? Community Answer There are no set/rigid rules about this. Some couples prefer to have sex more than others. If you're worried about your relationship and/or you want to have sex more frequently, talk to your partner. Thanks! Yes No Not Helpful 10 Helpful 23 Question How can I make my penis bigger? Community Answer There is no legitimate way to make your penis bigger, and anyone who tells you differently is probably trying to sell you something (that won't work). Try to be happy with what you have. Size isn't everything. Most women (and men who have sex with men) will tell you that they'd rather have an enthusiastic lover who cares about their pleasure over a man with a large penis who is inconsiderate. Thanks! Yes No Not Helpful 10 Helpful 39 Question What do I do if someone's penis is too big and it's painful for me? AbigailAbernathy Top Answerer Bigger is not always better. Tell him he is hurting you and ask to stop. He should stop; if he doesn't, scream at him to stop and get off you. If this is going to be an ongoing problem, then you shouldn't compromise your vaginal health. Thanks! Yes No Not Helpful 20 Helpful 55 Question How many times per week can I have sex? Community Answer As often as your partner would like. It would be good to have a frank discussion to determine what amount meets both of your needs. Thanks! Yes No Not Helpful 9 Helpful 37 Question How do I ask someone to change sex styles? Community Answer Just sit them down and explain what you want to be different. Try not to criticize what they're doing now, just make it clear that you would really like to be doing something else, i.e., "You know what would really turn me on..." If the "style" they're using now is actually painful or uncomfortable for you, make sure you tell them that so they know they should avoid it in the future. Thanks! Yes No Not Helpful 7 Helpful 16 Question My boyfriend wants to spice things up by "finishing" on my face. I am trying to be open-minded, what is the appeal? Community Answer You'd have to ask your boyfriend what the appeal is. If you're worried that it's sort of degrading, that's a valid concern, and may, in fact, be why he wants to do it. But again, you'd have to ask him, and be honest if you're not into it. Thanks! Yes No Not Helpful 5 Helpful 14 Question Can I have sex in a motel? What do I do if I have sex in a motel and make a mess? Community Answer You can have sex in a motel; many people do. I'm not sure what you mean precisely by making a mess, but they do (or they're supposed to) change the sheets each time a guest checks out. Thanks! Yes No Not Helpful 3 Helpful 17 Question What size do women prefer? Community Answer There is no standard size that all women prefer, some like something a little bigger, some do not. But most women would tell you that having an enthusiastic and giving lover is far more important than penis size. Thanks! Yes No Not Helpful 3 Helpful 19 Question Is sex once a week considered a minimal amount? Community Answer It depends on what you and your partner want. There really is no "minimal amount" other than whatever you are both satisfied with. Thanks! Yes No Not Helpful 7 Helpful 14 Question How do I reach climax, and how will I know when I do? Community Answer You will know because it will be like nothing you ever felt. Self exploration is a good way to find out what works for you to get to climax. Thanks! Yes No Not Helpful 2 Helpful 11 Show more answers Ask a Question 200 characters left Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered. Submit Tips Remember that sex is not just about pleasing your partner. Don’t engage in sex because it feels like a duty. It’s for both of your pleasure. Thanks! Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0 Don't let the myths about other people's sex lives get in the way of what's happening in yours. Thanks! Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0 Know that sex is not just about orgasms. Thanks! Helpful 1 Not Helpful 0 If you are considering using enhancement products, particularly pills, creams and sprays, research them for safety and effectiveness first. Thanks! Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0 Warnings Listen to her. Thanks! Helpful 34 Not Helpful 5 Make sure to build your female's confidence before the deed. Thanks! Helpful 27 Not Helpful 7 (ex#1)Tell her how beautiful and hot she is, how you desire or want her body. Make her feel as she is the only female on the planet. A confident female will take you to that next next level, compared to a female who lacks confidence. Make sure that you ask your partner what she does/doesn't like. Thanks! Helpful 24 Not Helpful 7 Pornography* in reality is in no way, shape or form a go-to-guide for what women desire/want during sex. Thanks! Helpful 7 Not Helpful 1 Do not be judgemental Thanks! Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0 Related wikiHows How toLove Someone How toImprove Physical Intimacy How toSay "I Love You" How toOvercome a Fear of Sex How toHave a Healthy Sex Life (Teens) How toBe Romantic How toTell Your Boyfriend You Want to Have Sex How toKnow if You Are Ready to Have Sex How toStart Having Sex Again How toMake Sex Better How toBuy a Sex Toy Under the Age of 18 How toMake Sex Last Longer How toBe Romantic in Bed How toHave Sex During Your Period link Recipe Ratings and Stories x Did you make this recipe? Share your success story Reader Success Stories References ↑ http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2014/07/13/how-connecting-with-our-authentic-self-creates-a-foundation-for-intimacy/ ↑ http://www.helpguide.org/harvard/tips-to-improve-your-sex-life.htm ↑ http://www.helpguide.org/harvard/tips-to-improve-your-sex-life.htm ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/stress-and-sex/201009/re-defining-foreplay-or-give-me-my-eleven-minutes ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/stress-and-sex/201009/re-defining-foreplay-or-give-me-my-eleven-minutes ↑ http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/10-secrets-to-better-love-life ↑ http://www.healthline.com/health/healthy-sex-health-benefits#DiseasePrevention3 ↑ http://www.helpguide.org/harvard/tips-to-improve-your-sex-life.htm ↑ http://www.helpguide.org/harvard/tips-to-improve-your-sex-life.htm More References (14) ↑ http://www.helpguide.org/harvard/tips-to-improve-your-sex-life.htm ↑ http://www.helpguide.org/harvard/tips-to-improve-your-sex-life.htm ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/insight-therapy/201201/faking-orgasm ↑ http://www.helpguide.org/harvard/tips-to-improve-your-sex-life.htm ↑ http://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/erectile-dysfunction/basics/definition/con-20034244 ↑ http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/10-secrets-to-better-love-life ↑ http://www.helpguide.org/harvard/tips-to-improve-your-sex-life.htm ↑ http://www.counseling.ufl.edu/cwc/types-of-intimacy.aspx ↑ http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/10-secrets-to-better-love-life ↑ http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/10-secrets-to-better-love-life ↑ http://www.webmd.com/sex-relationships/features/10-secrets-to-better-love-life ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sex-sociability/201008/hey-babe-you-wanna-initiating-sex ↑ http://www.counseling.ufl.edu/cwc/types-of-intimacy.aspx ↑ http://www.webmd.com/sexual-conditions/guide/sex-therapy-counseling About This Article Co-authored by: Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS Professional Counselor This article was co-authored by Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS. Trudi Griffin is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Wisconsin specializing in Addictions and Mental Health. She provides therapy to people who struggle with addictions, mental health, and trauma in community health settings and private practice. She received her MS in Clinical Mental Health Counseling from Marquette University in 2011. This article has been viewed 1,025,120 times. 90 votes - 85% Co-authors: 84 Updated: May 19, 2020 Views: 1,025,120 Categories: Sexual Activity Article SummaryX To improve your sex life, spice things up by focusing on exciting foreplay. For example, try massaging each other before you have sex to build up the sexual tension. Take your time and don’t rush sex so you can both enjoy the feeling of each other’s bodies. You could also explore your kinky side by dressing up in costumes and calling each other different names. In addition to spicing things up, try talking with your partner about what you both like in bed so you can make your sex life more pleasurable. Another way you could improve your sex life is to make time for sex. If you both have busy schedules, it can help to actually schedule a time for sex. For tips on how to initiate sex with your partner from our co-author, keep reading! Did this summary help you? YesNo In other languages Español: mejorar tu vida sexual Français: améliorer sa vie sexuelle Русский: улучшить свою сексуальную жизнь Italiano: Migliorare la Tua Vita Sessuale Português: Melhorar a Vida Sexual 中文: 改善性生活 Bahasa Indonesia: Meningkatkan Kehidupan Seksual Nederlands: Je seksleven verbeteren Tiếng Việt: Cải thiện Đời sống Tình dục العربية: تحسين حياتك الجنسية ไทย: ปรับปรุงชีวิตเซ็กส์ของคุณ हिन्दी: अपनी सेक्स लाइफ को इम्प्रूव करें 日本語: 性生活を改善する Print Send fan mail to authors Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 1,025,120 times. Reader Success Stories Anonymous Dec 17, 2017 "Making time for the sex was helpful And exploring your kinky side was most helpful." Anonymous Apr 8, 2017 "Praying this information may be very helpful to new couples and couples in need." Thomas Johnson Jan 9, 2017 "I found out that porn is not a go-to guide for what women want." Mathabo Matshaba Oct 18, 2016 "This helped me to make my man happy." R. R. Jan 23, 2017 "I learned more about human beings." More reader stories Hide reader stories Share your story Did this article help you? Yes No Cookies make wikiHow better. By continuing to use our site, you agree to our cookie policy. Co-authored by: Trudi Griffin, LPC, MS Professional Counselor Co-authors: 84 Updated: May 19, 2020 Views: 1,025,120 85% of readers found this article helpful. 90 votes - 85% Click a star to add your vote % of people told us that this article helped them. Anonymous Dec 17, 2017 "Making time for the sex was helpful And exploring your kinky side was most helpful." Anonymous Apr 8, 2017 "Praying this information may be very helpful to new couples and couples in need." Thomas Johnson Jan 9, 2017 "I found out that porn is not a go-to guide for what women want." Mathabo Matshaba Oct 18, 2016 "This helped me to make my man happy." R. R. Jan 23, 2017 "I learned more about human beings." Share yours! More success stories Hide success stories   Related Articles How toLove Someone How toImprove Physical Intimacy How toSay "I Love You" How toOvercome a Fear of Sex CategoriesHealthReproductive System HealthSexual Activity Home About wikiHow Experts Jobs Contact Us Site Map Terms of Use Do Not Sell My Info Not Selling Info Contribute wikiHow Newsletter Helpful how-tos delivered to your inbox every week! Sign me up! × Follow Us × Don’t miss out! Sign up for wikiHow’s newsletter Subscribe X We noticed you’re using an ad blocker. 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MY LIFE WITH MY ROBOT PARTNER - YouTube

MESSAGESLOG IN Log in Facebook Google wikiHow Account No account yet? Create an account EXPLORE Community Dashboard Random Article About Us Categories HELP US Write an Article Request a New Article More Ideas... EDIT Edit this Article HomeRandomBrowse ArticlesAbout wikiHowEasy Ways to HelpApprove QuestionsReview Tech FeedbackFix SpellingQuiz AppMore Things to Try...Log in / Sign upTerms of UseWe use cookies to make wikiHow great. By using our site, you agree to our cookie policy.Okay✖ wikiHow is where trusted research and expert knowledge come together. Learn why people trust wikiHow CategoriesRelationshipsHow to Get More Intimate Without Having Sex Explore this Article parts 1 Building Emotional Intimacy 2 Being Physical without Sex 3 Having Fun While Building Intimacy Other Sections Questions & Answers Tips and Warnings Related Articles References Article Summary Co-authored by Klare Heston, LCSW Last Updated: July 23, 2020 References Approved X This article was co-authored by Klare Heston, LCSW. Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker in Ohio. She received her Master of Social Work from Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. There are 12 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. wikiHow marks an article as reader-approved once it receives enough positive feedback. This article received 13 testimonials and 100% of readers who voted found it helpful, earning it our reader-approved status. This article has been viewed 1,607,569 times. There are lots of ways that you can be truly intimate with a person that do not include sex. Intimacy often starts in the emotions, so begin by improving your emotional connection together. Be vulnerable with your partner and practice truly listening when they speak. If you want to either keep sex out of your relationship because you're not ready or you want to slow down your relationship and make it more meaningful, you can actually feel more bonded without having sex. Steps Part 1 of 3: Building Emotional Intimacy {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/c\/cd\/Get-More-Intimate-Without-Having-Sex-Step-1-Version-4.jpg\/v4-460px-Get-More-Intimate-Without-Having-Sex-Step-1-Version-4.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/c\/cd\/Get-More-Intimate-Without-Having-Sex-Step-1-Version-4.jpg\/aid814432-v4-728px-Get-More-Intimate-Without-Having-Sex-Step-1-Version-4.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":"728","bigHeight":"546","licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>License: <a rel=\"nofollow\" class=\"external text\" href=\"https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc-sa\/3.0\/\">Creative Commons<\/a><br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"} 1 Be willing to feel vulnerable and express your feelings. Emotional intimacy means being honest with your thoughts and feelings, even when they’re uncomfortable. Be willing to share your needs, hopes, and fears with your partner. While opening up can be scary, a good partner will be supportive and try to understand you better.[1] X Research source Being open about yourself can help you and your partner learn from each other and support each other in a new and deeper way. For example, tell your partner about your dream to become a pastry chef or get a graduate degree. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/c\/c8\/Get-More-Intimate-Without-Having-Sex-Step-2-Version-4.jpg\/v4-460px-Get-More-Intimate-Without-Having-Sex-Step-2-Version-4.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/c\/c8\/Get-More-Intimate-Without-Having-Sex-Step-2-Version-4.jpg\/aid814432-v4-728px-Get-More-Intimate-Without-Having-Sex-Step-2-Version-4.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":"728","bigHeight":"546","licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>License: <a rel=\"nofollow\" class=\"external text\" href=\"https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc-sa\/3.0\/\">Creative Commons<\/a><br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"} 2 Build your trust together. Struggling with trust in a relationship can lead to conflicts and insecurities, especially if you don’t feel like you can be physically and emotionally open with your partner. Prioritize honesty in your relationship. Practice saying what you mean and meaning what you say. Show that you can be there for your partner and notice that they can be there for you, too. Respect each other’s boundaries physically, emotionally, and socially.[2] X Research source For example, if your partner values privacy, don’t share intimate details of your relationship with people who know them. If you agree to keep something private, keep it private. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/d\/de\/Get-More-Intimate-Without-Having-Sex-Step-3-Version-4.jpg\/v4-460px-Get-More-Intimate-Without-Having-Sex-Step-3-Version-4.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/d\/de\/Get-More-Intimate-Without-Having-Sex-Step-3-Version-4.jpg\/aid814432-v4-728px-Get-More-Intimate-Without-Having-Sex-Step-3-Version-4.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":"728","bigHeight":"546","licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>License: <a rel=\"nofollow\" class=\"external text\" href=\"https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc-sa\/3.0\/\">Creative Commons<\/a><br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"} 3 Listen fully when your partner speaks. A solid partnership includes two people who not only hear each other, but listen to each other. Turn toward each while speaking. Put down your phones and switch off the television. Pay attention to what your partner says in a non-judgmental way and give supportive feedback. You should also feel like your partner listens to you. You can build intimacy by knowing you can say what’s on your heart and not feel criticized for your words.[3] X Research source Practice active listening with your partner and build your intimacy by knowing you can count on each other to listen and understand. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/a\/a2\/Get-More-Intimate-Without-Having-Sex-Step-4-Version-4.jpg\/v4-460px-Get-More-Intimate-Without-Having-Sex-Step-4-Version-4.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/a\/a2\/Get-More-Intimate-Without-Having-Sex-Step-4-Version-4.jpg\/aid814432-v4-728px-Get-More-Intimate-Without-Having-Sex-Step-4-Version-4.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":"728","bigHeight":"546","licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>License: <a rel=\"nofollow\" class=\"external text\" href=\"https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc-sa\/3.0\/\">Creative Commons<\/a><br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"} 4 Ask personal questions. Get to know your partner’s inner life. Asking questions can help each of you to open up and think about what has impacted you, what drives you, and how you relate to each other. Ask questions that encourage intimacy and sharing.[4] X Research source Focus on asking open-ended questions so that you can elaborate on answers and build some discussion. Ask questions like “If you could choose to be anyone, real or fictional, who would you choose to be and why?” and, “What would you say to your younger self, if you could? What would you say to your older self?” Ask questions about your relationship, too. For example, “What do you think makes us great together?”, “How can we improve our communication?” and, “What’s one thing you like doing in our relationship?” {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/0\/02\/Get-More-Intimate-Without-Having-Sex-Step-5-Version-4.jpg\/v4-460px-Get-More-Intimate-Without-Having-Sex-Step-5-Version-4.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/0\/02\/Get-More-Intimate-Without-Having-Sex-Step-5-Version-4.jpg\/aid814432-v4-728px-Get-More-Intimate-Without-Having-Sex-Step-5-Version-4.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":"728","bigHeight":"546","licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>License: <a rel=\"nofollow\" class=\"external text\" href=\"https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc-sa\/3.0\/\">Creative Commons<\/a><br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"} 5 Ask for help from your partner. If you’ve had a bad day, there’s almost nothing more comforting than a supportive person to lean on. It can be difficult to ask for help or even cry in front of your partner, but feeling their support is often worth the risk. Plus, you might learn that they are someone you can count on to be there for you, even in difficult times. For example, say, “I had a really hard day. Can we talk about it?” Part 2 of 3: Being Physical without Sex {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/9\/9b\/Get-More-Intimate-Without-Having-Sex-Step-6-Version-4.jpg\/v4-460px-Get-More-Intimate-Without-Having-Sex-Step-6-Version-4.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/9\/9b\/Get-More-Intimate-Without-Having-Sex-Step-6-Version-4.jpg\/aid814432-v4-728px-Get-More-Intimate-Without-Having-Sex-Step-6-Version-4.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":"728","bigHeight":"546","licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>License: <a rel=\"nofollow\" class=\"external text\" href=\"https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc-sa\/3.0\/\">Creative Commons<\/a><br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"} 1 Take every opportunity to cuddle. Cuddling is an important way to make contact and feel close without having to take off your clothes. Whether you’re watching a movie together or laying in bed, reach out and wrap your arms around your partner to feel that physical closeness together.[5] X Research source Grab your partner’s hand, put your arm around their waist or shoulder, and make an effort to include more touch. Sometimes, one person has to initiate the contact. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/a\/a8\/Get-More-Intimate-Without-Having-Sex-Step-7-Version-4.jpg\/v4-460px-Get-More-Intimate-Without-Having-Sex-Step-7-Version-4.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/a\/a8\/Get-More-Intimate-Without-Having-Sex-Step-7-Version-4.jpg\/aid814432-v4-728px-Get-More-Intimate-Without-Having-Sex-Step-7-Version-4.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":"728","bigHeight":"546","licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>License: <a rel=\"nofollow\" class=\"external text\" href=\"https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc-sa\/3.0\/\">Creative Commons<\/a><br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"} 2 Share a long hug. Hugging reduces stress and increases bonding between you and your partner.[6] X Research source Get in the habit of hugging your partner when you come together and separate. For example, hug your partner before going to work or school in the morning and when you see them after a reunion (such as seeing each other after school or work). Give a solid hug by wrapping your arms around your partner and not letting go right away. If hugging doesn't come naturally to your partner, ask for the hug directly. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/d\/df\/Get-More-Intimate-Without-Having-Sex-Step-8-Version-4.jpg\/v4-460px-Get-More-Intimate-Without-Having-Sex-Step-8-Version-4.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/d\/df\/Get-More-Intimate-Without-Having-Sex-Step-8-Version-4.jpg\/aid814432-v4-728px-Get-More-Intimate-Without-Having-Sex-Step-8-Version-4.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":"728","bigHeight":"546","licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>License: <a rel=\"nofollow\" class=\"external text\" href=\"https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc-sa\/3.0\/\">Creative Commons<\/a><br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"} 3 Breathe together. Breathing together can be physically and emotionally intimate without even touching each other. Start by sitting across from each other and facing one another. Begin focusing on your breath and breathing with your eyes closed. When you feel ready, open your eyes and watch your partner’s stomach moving with their breath.[7] X Research source The air you breathe will become the air that your partner breathes. Whether you start to breathe together or not, you should feel in sync with your partner. After you complete this exercise can be a great time to talk and have those deep conversations that seem so difficult in other situations. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/c\/c0\/Get-More-Intimate-Without-Having-Sex-Step-9-Version-4.jpg\/v4-460px-Get-More-Intimate-Without-Having-Sex-Step-9-Version-4.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/c\/c0\/Get-More-Intimate-Without-Having-Sex-Step-9-Version-4.jpg\/aid814432-v4-728px-Get-More-Intimate-Without-Having-Sex-Step-9-Version-4.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":"728","bigHeight":"546","licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>License: <a rel=\"nofollow\" class=\"external text\" href=\"https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc-sa\/3.0\/\">Creative Commons<\/a><br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"} 4 Lock eyes together. Gazing at each other can be a sign of love and connection.[8] X Research source You might feel vulnerable or even a bit fearful once you and your partner lock eyes. Keep the connection and step outside of feeling embarrassed or scared and focus on your partner. Recognize that you can feel safe and secure, even when your partner sees you for who you are.[9] X Research source Spend some time locking eyes with your partner. Sit across from each other and look into each other’s eyes. Start with 30 seconds, then move the time up as you feel comfortable. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/5\/5e\/Get-More-Intimate-Without-Having-Sex-Step-10-Version-5.jpg\/v4-460px-Get-More-Intimate-Without-Having-Sex-Step-10-Version-5.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/5\/5e\/Get-More-Intimate-Without-Having-Sex-Step-10-Version-5.jpg\/aid814432-v4-728px-Get-More-Intimate-Without-Having-Sex-Step-10-Version-5.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":"728","bigHeight":"546","licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>License: <a rel=\"nofollow\" class=\"external text\" href=\"https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc-sa\/3.0\/\">Creative Commons<\/a><br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"} 5 Kiss passionately. If your kisses have moved to pecks, bring back the passion that comes from a good kiss or makeout session. Kissing can contribute to improving intimacy, especially in long-term relationships. Couples who kiss more frequently report higher levels of relationship satisfaction.[10] X Research source Give your partner different kinds of kisses. For example, kiss on the lips, on the cheek, neck, hand, and other parts of the body (that won’t lead to having sex). {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/6\/69\/Get-More-Intimate-Without-Having-Sex-Step-11-Version-5.jpg\/v4-460px-Get-More-Intimate-Without-Having-Sex-Step-11-Version-5.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/6\/69\/Get-More-Intimate-Without-Having-Sex-Step-11-Version-5.jpg\/aid814432-v4-728px-Get-More-Intimate-Without-Having-Sex-Step-11-Version-5.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":"728","bigHeight":"546","licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>License: <a rel=\"nofollow\" class=\"external text\" href=\"https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc-sa\/3.0\/\">Creative Commons<\/a><br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"} 6 Try intimate touching. You might not want to have sex, but there are sexual activities that you can do together that involve many of the same feelings and sensations without the actual act. For example, touch each other, kiss each other’s bodies, and lick each other. These actions can allow you to be intimate, without worrying about some of the consequences of sex itself. Talk about your comfort level with your partner. If you are purposefully abstaining from sex, then create specific boundaries for relating in a physically intimate way. For example, you may be comfortable kissing but not taking your clothes off. Part 3 of 3: Having Fun While Building Intimacy {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/e\/e1\/Get-More-Intimate-Without-Having-Sex-Step-12-Version-5.jpg\/v4-460px-Get-More-Intimate-Without-Having-Sex-Step-12-Version-5.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/e\/e1\/Get-More-Intimate-Without-Having-Sex-Step-12-Version-5.jpg\/aid814432-v4-728px-Get-More-Intimate-Without-Having-Sex-Step-12-Version-5.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":"728","bigHeight":"546","licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>License: <a rel=\"nofollow\" class=\"external text\" href=\"https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc-sa\/3.0\/\">Creative Commons<\/a><br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"} 1 Try something new together. Trying something new requires courage and may show you a new side of yourself and your partner. You might find that you enjoy something you never knew you could enjoy, or discover something about your partner you’ve never noticed. Adding a new experience can help you feel closer and help you bond over the new experience.[11] X Research source For example, try a boxing class, race go karts, or try a dance class. Use your knowledge from your intimate talks to come up with activities you would both enjoy. Alternatively, you could try something that is special to one of you. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/b\/b1\/Get-More-Intimate-Without-Having-Sex-Step-13-Version-4.jpg\/v4-460px-Get-More-Intimate-Without-Having-Sex-Step-13-Version-4.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/b\/b1\/Get-More-Intimate-Without-Having-Sex-Step-13-Version-4.jpg\/aid814432-v4-728px-Get-More-Intimate-Without-Having-Sex-Step-13-Version-4.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":"728","bigHeight":"546","licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>License: <a rel=\"nofollow\" class=\"external text\" href=\"https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc-sa\/3.0\/\">Creative Commons<\/a><br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"} 2 Add some adrenaline to a date. A little adrenaline can help you feel more attracted to your partner and increase feelings of intimacy.[12] X Research source Try doing something fun and maybe even a little risky together. For example, try skydiving, rock climbing, or zip lining. Doing something in a high arousal state can make couples feel more bonded and together. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/f\/fa\/Get-More-Intimate-Without-Having-Sex-Step-14-Version-4.jpg\/v4-460px-Get-More-Intimate-Without-Having-Sex-Step-14-Version-4.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/f\/fa\/Get-More-Intimate-Without-Having-Sex-Step-14-Version-4.jpg\/aid814432-v4-728px-Get-More-Intimate-Without-Having-Sex-Step-14-Version-4.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":"728","bigHeight":"546","licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>License: <a rel=\"nofollow\" class=\"external text\" href=\"https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc-sa\/3.0\/\">Creative Commons<\/a><br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"} 3 Do something a little scary. While you don’t want to be scared for too long, it can be fun to do something with a small fear factor to encourage you and your partner to turn toward each other. Knowing you can rely on your partner for emotional support can help you feel close to them and trust them to be there for you. For example, go to a haunted house or take a walk in the dark together. {"smallUrl":"https:\/\/www.wikihow.com\/images\/thumb\/6\/6e\/Get-More-Intimate-Without-Having-Sex-Step-15-Version-3.jpg\/v4-460px-Get-More-Intimate-Without-Having-Sex-Step-15-Version-3.jpg","bigUrl":"\/images\/thumb\/6\/6e\/Get-More-Intimate-Without-Having-Sex-Step-15-Version-3.jpg\/aid814432-v4-728px-Get-More-Intimate-Without-Having-Sex-Step-15-Version-3.jpg","smallWidth":460,"smallHeight":345,"bigWidth":"728","bigHeight":"546","licensing":"<div class=\"mw-parser-output\"><p>License: <a rel=\"nofollow\" class=\"external text\" href=\"https:\/\/creativecommons.org\/licenses\/by-nc-sa\/3.0\/\">Creative Commons<\/a><br>\n<\/p><p><br \/>\n<\/p><\/div>"} 4 Look at old photographs together. Take a trip down memory lane and open yourself up to exposing a younger version of yourself to your partner. Looking at pictures of your childhood and the people that were important to you is a very intimate act. When you discuss the things that mattered to you and the events and people that led you to become who you are, you reveal a lot of vulnerabilities to your partner. Show your partner around your hometown and talk about memories from growing up. Then, ask them to do the same for you. Family stuff can be difficult to discuss, but try to answer all of their questions. Community Q&A Search Add New Question Question How can I show my girlfriend that she can trust me and be intimate with me? Community Answer Trusting someone takes time, whether it's trusting a friend or trusting a girlfriend or boyfriend. The worst thing you can do to someone you're in a relationship with is try to rush things. That will only make your girlfriend more uncomfortable and not want to be intimate with you. Instead of telling her you'd like to be intimate with her, tell her how much you value her decisions and feelings. Ask her what she's comfortable and not comfortable with. She'll respect how much you value her opinions. Thanks! Yes No Not Helpful 10 Helpful 156 Question How do I prevent having sex when I want to but the other person doesn't? Community Answer You just don't have sex - it's that simple. If you're asking how to stop the desires, you can't, but you can learn to manage them. Focus on the things you enjoy about that person that aren't related to sexuality, like their laugh, intelligence, etc. Thanks! Yes No Not Helpful 7 Helpful 108 Question How can I get my boyfriend to want to have more physical contact? Community Answer Touch him yourself, but do not rush it. Wait and see if he is comfortable and he may start to initiate more physical contact. Thanks! Yes No Not Helpful 14 Helpful 147 Question Is there a way to be intimate with someone who is recovering from a broken arm? Community Answer Sure, many of the ways described in this article can still be used. You can also help care for the person and help them out with tasks they might have difficulty doing. Thanks! Yes No Not Helpful 6 Helpful 55 Question Which clothes must l wear to get more intimate? Community Answer There are no specific clothes you need to wear. It's about how you treat the person. Thanks! Yes No Not Helpful 20 Helpful 134 Question Should should I do if the guy is more into having sex, but I'd like to just be intimate? Community Answer You should talk to him and let him know the things you would like to do together more often. Communication is key. Try to consider that he might not be very familiar with other ways of being intimate. You could share this article with him to give him a better idea. Don't let him pressure you into sex. You shouldn't have to do anything you're not comfortable with. Thanks! Yes No Not Helpful 25 Helpful 177 Question I always read books with my boyfriend, but he reads much faster than me. How can I read faster? Community Answer Practice reading more quickly by "gliding" through the words, which means that you roughly see the words that are on the book so the meaning is registered, but you don't really say the words in your mind. Thanks! Yes No Not Helpful 4 Helpful 54 Question We have a long distance relationship, and we meet only once or twice in a month. Earlier, I said that I'm not ready for a kiss, and he hasn't forced me whatsoever. Now I'm ready, how do I make him understand that I want to kiss him? Community Answer Since he's been so respectful of your wishes, the best thing to do is just tell him directly - he won't be able to read your mind. Say something like "I think I'm ready to take our relationship to the next level." Thanks! Yes No Not Helpful 23 Helpful 166 Question My boyfriend and I want to take it to the next level with touching each other, but no sex, what could be places of pleasure? Community Answer It's up to you to decide what your comfort level is. Start with kissing and touching each other's legs and arms over clothing first. You'll learn where you like to be touched and kissed. Most of all, take it slow and know when it's getting to be too much for you. Thanks! Yes No Not Helpful 2 Helpful 43 Question How do I make my guy happy? Community Answer It's the little things that count for most guys. Despite the stereotypes, most guys want to have a solid relationship that includes the little things like holding hands, rubbing noses, being cute (though most men won't admit to that), and overall having fun while loving their significant other. Check out this article for more tips: 3 ways to make your boyfriend feel happy. Thanks! Yes No Not Helpful 16 Helpful 74 Show more answers Ask a Question 200 characters left Include your email address to get a message when this question is answered. Submit Tips Respect each other's boundaries. Including your own. Thanks! Helpful 1 Not Helpful 0 Compliment each other. Thanks! Helpful 1 Not Helpful 0 Any touching or intimate activity must have clear unambiguous consent and enthusiasm from your partner. Touching without permission is a violation of the other person's boundaries. Thanks! Helpful 0 Not Helpful 0 Warnings Some of these tips could lead to sex. If that's not what you want, say so! Don't be afraid to speak up. Thanks! Helpful 774 Not Helpful 100 link Recipe Ratings and Stories x Did you make this recipe? Share your success story Reader Success Stories Related wikiHows How toMake Your Girlfriend Want to Have Sex With You How toHave Sex Without Your Parents Knowing How toTell Your Boyfriend You Want to Have Sex How toCuddle How toKnow when Someone Likes You How toTurn a Guy On How toHandle Being In Love With Two People How toMake the Girl You Like Miss You How toAdmit to a Foot Fetish How toGet People to Dream About You How toMake a Guy Jealous How toKnow if You Are Ready to Have Sex How toHandle a Cheating Girlfriend How toNot Fall in Love With Someone References ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/emotional-fitness/201205/why-intimacy-makes-us-feel-vulnerable ↑ http://www.loveisrespect.org/healthy-relationships/trust/ ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2014/06/01/5-things-that-make-a-good-partner/ ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/attending-the-undervalued-self/201501/36-questions-intimacy-back-story ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/all-about-sex/201504/why-cuddling-is-so-crucial ↑ https://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2014/03/10/the-surprising-psychological-value-of-human-touch/ ↑ https://psychcentral.com/lib/mindfulness-in-relationships-breathing-together/ ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/cutting-edge-leadership/201404/5-secret-powers-eye-contact ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/intimacy-path-toward-spirituality/201403/in-your-eyes More References (3) ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/insight-therapy/201311/what-s-in-kiss ↑ https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/happiness-in-world/201004/trying-new-things ↑ http://www.scienceofrelationships.com/home/2012/5/17/top-5-classic-studies-in-the-psychology-of-attraction.html About This Article Co-authored by: Klare Heston, LCSW Clinical Social Worker This article was co-authored by Klare Heston, LCSW. Klare Heston is a Licensed Independent Clinical Social Worker in Ohio. She received her Master of Social Work from Virginia Commonwealth University in 1983. This article has been viewed 1,607,569 times. 5 votes - 100% Co-authors: 72 Updated: July 23, 2020 Views: 1,607,569 Categories: Relationships Article SummaryX To get more intimate with someone without having sex, try asking them personal questions to get to know them better. For example, ask “If you could go back in time 5 years, what would you say to your younger self?” Intimacy is a 2-way street, so be honest in return and share your own thoughts and feelings, even if they’re uncomfortable. If you want to feel physically close to someone without having sex, try cuddling with them while watching a movie or lying in bed. You can also kiss and touch different parts of their body to turn up the heat. For more tips from our co-author, including how to grow closer to your partner by looking at old photos together, read on! Did this summary help you? YesNo In other languages Français: être plus intime sans avoir de rapports sexuels Italiano: Essere Più Intimi Senza Fare Sesso Español: tener más intimidad sin tener sexo Português: Ter Intimidade sem Ter Relações Sexuais Русский: стать ближе без секса Čeština: Jak posílit intimitu s partnerem bez sexu Bahasa Indonesia: Menjadi Semakin Intim Tanpa Berhubungan Badan ไทย: ใกล้ชิดกันโดยไม่ต้องมีเซ็กส์ Nederlands: Een intiemer liefdesleven zonder seks te hebben العربية: زيادة التقارب الحميمي بدون ممارسة الجنس 中文: 在不做爱的情况下变得更亲密 Tiếng Việt: Gần gũi hơn mà không cần tình dục 日本語: セックスをせずに親密度を深める 한국어: 섹스를 하지 않고도 친밀해지는 방법 Print Send fan mail to authors Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 1,607,569 times. Reader Success Stories Thandoh Mussah Ndhlovu Jul 24, 2017 "I learned many things. It taught me that when you're not ready for sex, speak to your partner about it. I also learned how to be intimate with my partner without having sex. It taught me that I should speak up, spend more time with my partner, share common goals, read stories together and nap together. Thank you." ..." more Rated this article: Big Vin Apr 13 "Loved it, thanks." Emily Parrish Jun 9, 2017 "It was great, since I have been dating my boyfriend for just a couple months and don't know if i should have sex with him quite yet. This article helped, because now i know how to keep things good without sex. " ..." more Rated this article: Ameera Jhon Feb 25, 2017 "I only am afraid of telling the person I love that I love him. I am afraid of his reaction, would it be good? Or maybe he loves another girl. " ..." more Lebo Pertu Sep 8, 2016 "This really helped me a lot. I now understand the importance of understanding how my boyfriend feels about me and how I feel about him." ..." more Hiddah Anderson Aug 8, 2016 "This is really helpful in so many ways. I see where I've gone wrong before, and most of all how to improve my relationship." ..." more Kyle Forest Sep 29, 2016 "Made that connection with my girlfriend that I felt was missing but could only be filled by sex. :) Thanks guys." Laida Arriola Jul 2, 2016 "Great tips! Really want to save myself for marriage and we needed some nonsexual alternatives." Janice King Jan 5, 2017 "This article was amazing! I'm going to try some of these things with my boyfriend." Joe Just Aug 19, 2017 "It gave me ideas to apply in relating to people I have feelings for." Kaitlyn Dahlstrom Aug 8, 2016 "Thank you. I know I'm only 17 but I'm ready to do this with him." Robiul Islam Mar 1, 2017 "It's really helpful for me, thanks a lot!" Justin Shaw Oct 11, 2016 "It was fantastic! Thank you." More reader stories Hide reader stories Share your story Did this article help you? Yes No Cookies make wikiHow better. By continuing to use our site, you agree to our cookie policy. Co-authored by: Klare Heston, LCSW Clinical Social Worker Co-authors: 72 Updated: July 23, 2020 Views: 1,607,569 100% of readers found this article helpful. 5 votes - 100% Click a star to add your vote % of people told us that this article helped them. Thandoh Mussah Ndhlovu Jul 24, 2017 "I learned many things. It taught me that when you're not ready for sex, speak to your partner about it. I also learned how to be intimate with my partner without having sex. It taught me that I should speak up, spend more time with my partner, share common goals, read stories together and nap together. Thank you." ..." more Rated this article: Big Vin Apr 13 "Loved it, thanks." Emily Parrish Jun 9, 2017 "It was great, since I have been dating my boyfriend for just a couple months and don't know if i should have sex with him quite yet. This article helped, because now i know how to keep things good without sex. " ..." more Rated this article: Ameera Jhon Feb 25, 2017 "I only am afraid of telling the person I love that I love him. I am afraid of his reaction, would it be good? Or maybe he loves another girl. " ..." more Lebo Pertu Sep 8, 2016 "This really helped me a lot. I now understand the importance of understanding how my boyfriend feels about me and how I feel about him." ..." more Share yours! More success stories Hide success stories   Related Articles How toMake Your Girlfriend Want to Have Sex With You How toHave Sex Without Your Parents Knowing How toTell Your Boyfriend You Want to Have Sex How toCuddle CategoriesRelationships Home About wikiHow Experts Jobs Contact Us Site Map Terms of Use Do Not Sell My Info Not Selling Info Contribute wikiHow Newsletter Helpful how-tos delivered to your inbox every week! Sign me up! × Follow Us × Take our course on How to Improve Your Marriage! start course X We noticed you’re using an ad blocker. 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