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73% of African Americans said they did not have emergency funds to cover three months of expenses. #WeAreDoneDying TAKE ACTION Search Subscribe Print Edition Digital Edition Give a Gift Your Best Life Health Work & Money Relationships & Love Food Travel Valentine's Day Mother's Day Father's Day Fourth of July Halloween Thanksgiving Holiday Entertainment TV & Movies Books Music Beauty Hair Skin & Makeup Style About Win Newsletter Follow Instagram Facebook Twitter Pinterest Do Not Sell My Info Privacy Notice Terms of Use Subscribe Sign In My Account Sign Out Type keyword(s) to search Our editors handpick the products that we feature. We may earn commission from the links on this page. The Grown Woman's Guide to Online Dating Locking eyes across a crowded room may be a thing of the past. By Holly Carter Jan 9, 2019 Annie Wu Once upon a time, internet dating was a vaguely embarrassing pursuit. Who wanted to be one of those lonely hearts trolling the singles bars of cyberspace? These days, however, the New York Times Vows section—famous for its meet-cute stories of the blissfully betrothed—is full of couples who trumpet the love they found through Ok Cupid or Tinder. Today an estimated one-third of marrying couples in the U.S. met online, and as many as 15 percent of American adults have used dating sites or apps. (Even Martha Stewart, who in 2013 declared in her Match profile that she was looking for a “lover of animals, grandchildren, and the outdoors.” Martha, have you considered Raya, the private celebrity dating app?) This content is imported from {embed-name}. You may be able to find the same content in another format, or you may be able to find more information, at their web site. Locking eyes across a crowded room might make for a lovely song lyric, but when it comes to romantic potential, nothing rivals technology, according to Helen Fisher, PhD, a biological anthropologist, senior research fellow at the Kinsey Institute, and chief scientific adviser to Match. “It’s more possible to find someone now than at probably any other time in history, particularly if you’re older. You don’t have to stand in a bar and wait for the right one to come along,” says Fisher. “And we’ve found that people looking for a sweetheart on the internet are more likely to have full-time employment and higher education, and to be seeking a long-term partner. Online dating is the way to go—you just have to learn to work the system.” Related Stories 7 Ways You Can Be More Romantic 12 of the Best Romance Novel Recommendations So take heart: Whether you’re a first-time player or a seasoned contestant who wants to up her game, our troubleshooting guide is here to help, with advice from both experts and survivors on how to search strategically, handle setbacks gracefully, maintain sanity, and enjoy the ride—with minimal agony and maximum ecstasy. Your eligible bachelor awaits!How To...Get Better at Online Dating For guidance, O Style Features Director Holly Carter turned to a pro. Seven years ago, I signed up for Match.com, but I never took it seriously. For me, online dating is like exercise: At the end of the day, it’s easier to watch TV. But at 44, I started to realize that if I want a companion before Social Security kicks in, I have to leave the couch. I needed a trainer, someone who could help me focus—only instead of getting defined abs, I’d get a mate (hopefully, with defined abs). Enter Damona Hoffman, dating coach and host of the Dates & Mates podcast, who promises rapid results if I just follow a few tough-love rules.... . TRUE CONFESSIONS: “I got a surprise phone call from their wife." Married daters are more common than we’d like to think, says dating coach Laurel House, host of the podcast The Man Whisperer. Her tip: “A little pre-date due diligence is smart. Do a Google image search with his photo to see if it links to a Facebook or Instagram account.” This can also protect you from scam artists—be wary if the photos seem too perfect or his language is considerably more fluent in his profile than in his messages. And if he tells you he lost his wallet and needs a loan? Run. Treat it like it's your job. The first thing Hoffman tells me: “This takes time and attention. I want you to be on the site at least three hours a week.” Uh-oh. That’s three episodes of The Sinner.Put style in your profile. Kindly, Hoffman refrains from mocking my unassisted self-description: “I’m a loving person who likes trying new restaurants and a sweet treat before bed.” (I never realized how dirty that sounds.) She asks about my hobbies, how my coworkers would fill in the “most likely to” blank. She then revises my profile, noting that I love cooking vegetables I grow in my garden, that Dave Chappelle has my kind of humor, that “meeting new people excites me: I could spend half an hour talking to the cashiers at Trader Joe’s.” Tip: Whenever I meet someone for the first time, I drop a pin and let a friend know where I am. Three-quarters of the profile should be about me, and the other quarter about what I want in a mate, says Hoffman, who tells me to be specific here, too: The goal isn’t to attract everyone, it’s to find The One. We come up with “My ideal match is someone who loves family, has an opinion on current events, and can hold his own at a cocktail party on a Friday night, then chill with me on a lazy Saturday.” The final touch is a headline that sums up my approach to life, like a personal slogan. Hoffman suggests “Family. Kindness. Friends. Faith. That’s what I value most.” Hmm. I’m spiritual and go to church, but “faith” sounds heavy. I swap it for “fun.” . TRUE CONFESSIONS: "He sent a really personal photo." Why does a man have to text a pic of his penis when "Hello" would suffice? One possible explanation, offered by Justin Lehmiller, PhD, research fellow at the Kinsey Institute and author of Tell Me What You Want, is that men tend to overestimate the sexual interest of women they casually encounter, so they may assume the "gift" will be welcome. And if they occasionally get a positive response, they may figure it can't hurt to try again. "In psychology research, we call this a 'variable reinforcement schedule,'" Lehmiller says. "It's like a slot machine—the majority of the time, you pull the lever and nothing happens, but every once in a while, there's a payoff." A deflating solution from one online dater: "Draw a face on it and send it back to him."Work your angles. Hoffman looks at my photos and nixes the corporate headshot and mirror selfie. “You want to look natural and inviting. Mirror selfies often give off an air of vanity.” She says the best profile shots feature the three Cs: color (vibrant shades, especially red, grab attention), context (pics that involve your hobbies, like travel or, say, clog dancing), and character (something quirky or funny, “like you in your Halloween costume”). The Headshot The Selfie The Mirror Selfie For the main photo, we do a close headshot where I’m smiling into the camera. For the others, we do one of me outside in a green dress, one where I’m wearing something sparkly, and another where I’m standing on an escalator. This doesn’t reveal much about me besides my aversion to stairs, but it’s a full body shot, which Hoffman recommends. Agreed—as a curvy girl, I want to avoid first-date surprises. I skip quirky. I haven’t worn a Halloween costume since I went as a pack of grape Hubba Bubba in sixth grade. . TRUE CONFESSIONS: “The photo was dreamy. The reality is...scary.” If they're older/paunchier/have more neck bolts than he does in the photos, choose compassion, says New York dating coach Connell Barrett. “He probably lied because it’s a sore spot.” Just have one polite drink. Who knows? You may wind up charmed—and it’s the human thing to do. Take charge. One reason I’ve been passive about online dating: Most of the guys have been a little conservative for my taste. (When you’re a black woman in your 40s, why do all your matches look like George Jefferson?) Hoffman says the algorithm, like a boyfriend, can’t read my mind; I need to message and “like” guys I find appealing if I want to start seeing similar people in my results. Plus, being more active should bump my profile toward the top, so I’ll be more visible. Tip: I try to appreciate the bad dates. The craziest nights are your best stories. I should make my messages personal, advises Hoffman: “Comment on something in his profile and follow with a question.” Dutifully, I tell one bespectacled prospect, “I like melty ice cream, too. What’s your favorite flavor?” I have some interesting chats, but nothing leads anywhere. After a lengthy back-and-forth with a cute guy who asks why I’m still single (beats me!), I try a Hoffman move, writing, “That’s a story better told over a drink.” He suggests... chicken fingers. As in fast food? Is this a sex thing I don’t know about? But then—success! Someone “likes” me and asks me out within three messages. He’s into photography and makes his own pasta—and he is an Adonis. We have a short phone call, as Hoffman recommends, to set something up. His voice is velvety, but I’m skeptical. That’s online dating: You meet the freakazoids and think, This is the worst. You find someone great and think, Am I going to be on the next episode of Catfish? . TRUE CONFESSIONS: "They're cute! They're fun! They vanished." Ghosting happens to the best of us, says therapist and dating coach Melanie Hersch. To stay sane, she says, “stop telling yourself stories to explain it, like ‘It’s because I’m not good enough.’ Trying to figure out why someone didn’t choose you is like trying to swim with ankle weights: You’ll get pulled right down instead of moving forward. Let him disappear and make way for the partner you deserve.” Don't rush it. On the day of the date, I meet him at a restaurant. (Hoffman wouldn’t approve; she said to make the first date a quick drink, one hour max, but when Hunkamania suggested dinner, I couldn’t resist.) He’s just as swoon worthy in person as his photos! I’m supposed to focus on how I feel, not on “the package”—but it’s hard when the package is so beautifully wrapped. . He's sweet, too, talking about his grandma, and we follow dinner with drinks. By the time he drops me off at my door, I’ve exceeded my time limit by three hours and 32 minutes. It’s kind of like blowing a diet: You know what you’re supposed to do, but then you see dessert, and will power goes out the window. I realize I got lucky, that this was the dating equivalent of finding a magical unicorn. Plenty of my friends do online dating like it’s an Olympic sport, and they’ve had the most romantic evenings of their lives with guys who then promptly vaporize into the earth’s atmosphere. But whatever happens, it feels good to be back in the game. I decide to message Mr. Chicken Fingers, knowing I shouldn’t put all my eggs in one basket. TRUE CONFESSIONS: "They sent a Venmo request for my half of the bill." That’s not only unchivalrous but passive-aggressive, says Barrett. “When this happened to a friend of mine, she sent the entire amount with a note that said, ‘Looks like you need this more than I do.’” How to...Increase Your Odds of Finding a Match Meet 9 people. Our brains are best equipped to handle five to nine options—any more, and we go into cognitive overload. “At that point you just start looking for reasons to say no, like ‘Look at his ugly shoes,’” says Fisher. Pick nine, meet in person, then take a break while you get to know at least one. Set 3 deal-breakers. “If there’s something you truly can’t tolerate—smoking, for instance—okay, but I give clients a limit,” says House.“Most people focus on wants: hot, funny. You find the right one when you focus on needs: communication, mutual respect.” Give it 3 dates. “Even if you don’t feel ‘chemistry,’” says House. “Chemistry doesn’t last. Attraction is important, but if someone meets your needs, you may find the attraction follows.” . TRUE CONFESSIONS: "He said we'd have great kids, and later texted 'Are we a couple?' It was our first date." If you don’t want to ghost or fake your death, says Barrett, text back: “I had a great time, but I’ve had a couple of dates with someone else, and I’d like to see where it goes. But there’s an amazing woman out there who will be lucky to get you.”How to...Find the Best Dating Platform If you seek: Wedded bliss Eharmony Answer an in-depth survey based on 29 “dimensions of compatibility” (e.g., humor, physical energy, communication style), then get a new list of potential soul mates regularly—no searching required.If you seek: Other grownups Match Don’t worry, someone here will get your pop culture references: 39 percent of Match users are in the 37–52 age group, and 27 percent are between 53 and 72.If you seek: The hip crowd OkCupid An entertaining questionnaire (“Do you believe in dinosaurs?”) and open options: Look for anything from a partner to a polyamorous paramour.If you seek: The driver’s seat Bumble With this app, every night is ladies’ night: Swipe right on an attractive gentleman, and if he’s interested, it’s up to you to make the first move.If you seek: Maximum efficiency Tinder The “swipe surge” feature, available in select cities, alerts you when the app is getting a lot of action, so you can get some, too.If you seek: A date with destiny Happn This geolocation-based app shows you well-matched users who are close by; check your Timeline to find hot prospects who have recently crossed your path.If you seek: A big pond Plenty of Fish Cast a really wide net on this free site with more than 150 million users; quiz lovers will dig the cheekily revealing questions about relationship needs and seduction styles. . TRUE CONFESSIONS: "We're perfect, but their profile is still up." Hold off on The Talk until the three-month mark, which gives him a chance to form an attachment, advises psychiatrist Ish Major, MD, co-host of WE TV’s Marriage Bootcamp Reality Stars. “And at that point, if he shares your feelings, you’ll be more comfortable defining expectations. If he doesn’t, it maybe time to think about moving on.” Illustrations by Annie Wu. This story originally appeared in the February 2019 issue of O. This content is created and maintained by a third party, and imported onto this page to help users provide their email addresses. You may be able to find more information about this and similar content at piano.io This commenting section is created and maintained by a third party, and imported onto this page. You may be able to find more information on their web site. 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Skip to content Latest News: VIDA Select sees large surge in online dating & video dates during Coronavirus. Main Site About Us Our Process Blog Blog Home Bumble Data Analysis Dating Profiles Dating Site / App Reviews Facebook Dating First Date Tips Hinge Match Messages OkCupid Online Dating Tips Profile Photos Texting The League Tinder Top Dating Sites & Apps Get Started Here I want to learn about Everything Everything Tinder Bumble Hinge Profile Tips & Examples Dating Tips 11 Online Dating First Message Examples That Get Responses Tired of not getting responses to the messages you send on online dating sites and apps? Whether it’s Match.com, OkCupid, POF, or Tinder, sending that first message to a girl you really like and getting no response is one of the worst things about online dating. Especially when it happens over and over. That’s a big reason why many online daters give up entirely within just a few months. But don’t throw in the towel just yet – we’ve got 11 online dating first message examples that work like magic to get responses, and you can use them today! Exclusive Bonus: Download our 5 favorite conversation starters to get immediate response from attractive women. Not only will you get proven-to-work examples you can use right now, you’ll also get the online dating message tips you need to come up with your own unique conversation starters – and the best times to send them. Just follow the expert advice in this short article and watch your inbox fill up with women who are excited to meet you in person! First Message Strategy #1: Go For Laughs Funny online dating messages get responses because women naturally find guys with a sense of humor attractive. It’s true – scientists have proven it. But the key to having a successful first message, of course, is actually being funny . On Tinder, you can pair an attention-grabbing GIF with a humorous message: On a dating site like Match.com or POF, you could make a joke about the shared experience of scrolling through profile after profile: Finding common ground is a pro move, because if you can make her think the two of you are similar she’s more likely to respond. Women are simply more comfortable around people who remind them of themselves. Which brings us to our next examples of opening lines… First Message Strategy #2: Connect On Common Ground Travel makes an awesome subject for a first message because it’s something most women enjoy doing, or at least enjoy dreaming about. And who doesn’t like to at least think they have a great sense of adventure? It's a topic you'll find mentioned in just about every person's profile . Many online dating sites like Match.com and OkCupid have keyword searches, so you can filter for women who also enjoy a certain hobby. So if you’re into skiing, you can send a message like the one to kelli_diann above to any interesting women who mention it in their profiles. On a dating app like Tinder or Bumble, you can take a quick glance at her photos and bio to see if any common interests jump out. For instance if you find you both love dogs, this would be a good first message for online dating: You’ll save a ton of time once you have a “go-to” copy and paste message for any hobby that you’d like to share with your matches. (Skeptical about the effectiveness of copy & paste? Read this article.) First Message Strategy #3: Inspire A Craving (Note: A long message like this example is a better fit for dating sites like Match, OkCupid or POF. You’re going to want to keep your messages quite a bit shorter on apps like Tinder and Bumble.) Certain words are attention-grabbing because they sound delicious. Chocolate, cheesecake, ala mode… who wouldn’t want to keep reading? Notice how it starts off with a light compliment. Complimenting her will often give you points, but only if you focus on intangible qualities like intelligence or her accomplishments. Don’t make the rookie mistake of praising her physical appearance, especially when you're trying to start a conversation with a girl online for the first time. Tons of guys do it, and she gets tons of messages with some variation of “you’re hot”. Paying her a more meaningful compliment is a breath of fresh air for her. Mentioning something yummy-sounding works just as well on dating apps. In fact, dating app Hinge discovered girls are 40% more likely to reply to messages about food. Here’s a short, delicious sounding message that’s perfect for a dating app: First Message Strategy #4: Get Personal It’s basic human nature to love talking about yourself. In fact, it literally stimulates your brain and makes you feel good. Ask her an open-ended question that gets her to share something about herself, and she’s instantly in her Happy Place. And the better she feels about talking to you, the more likely she is to share her number. The example above is more suited for an online dating site where longer messages are the norm, but you can get her talking about herself on a dating app with a short message like this: First Message Strategy #5: Show Off Your Creative Side Most of your competition is sending her lame first messages like “Hey, how was your weekend?” and “Hi, I’m John.” That’s great news for you, because it gives you the opportunity to shine by asking her an interesting, funny or creative question like this: Here’s what all 11 of these opening message examples have in common: They instantly pique her curiosity. If she doesn’t even want to keep reading, why would she bother responding, much less want to meet you in person ? They set you apart from the crowd. Remember, if she’s getting tons of messages from guys just like you. You’ve got to out-message them every time. They ask her a question. You need to make it as easy as possible for her to respond, and controlling the conversation is a simple way to do it. Those three elements are crucial if you want to get a response to your online dating opener. Miss one of them, and she’s moving on to the next person. Best Time To Send Your First Message To increase your odds of getting a response to your message, send them at a time it’s likely to be convenient for her to answer. Weekday evenings are generally best – many women unwind from a long day at work by firing up a dating app while catching up on Netflix. According to Nielsen, activity on both OkCupid and Tinder peaks at 9 pm, and usage starts to rapidly decline after 10 pm. On Bumble, the real action starts a little earlier, with activity peaking at 6 pm. And if you happen to find yourself stuck inside due to inclement weather like a blizzard, hurricane or rainstorm, put these first message examples to good use. NBC News did a little investigating, and found that bad weather goes hand in hand with increased activity on dating sites and apps. In many cases, the increase was pretty dramatic. During winter storm Juno, activity on Hinge picked up by a whopping 47%, which led to a 56% spike in the number of phone numbers exchanged, and an incredible 96% increase in 2-way message exchanges. On OkCupid, a little rain translates to a 10% increase in activity on the site, and Juno prompted a 36% activity spike. On Match, activity typically increases around 33% during snowstorms, and big storms go hand in hand with a 20-40% increase in Bumble activity. No Response? Here’s What To Do Next! Of course, there’s no copy and paste message that’s guaranteed to start a conversation every time you send it. There’s a ton of variables involved, like your photos and your online dating profile. If those aren’t top notch, our Ultimate Guide To Online Dating has all the tools and tips you need to bring them up to snuff. Other variables you can’t control, like what she’s doing when she’s reading your message. If she’s sneaking a peek at her Match.com profile in between meetings, she may not have a chance to respond and forget to come back to it later. If you don’t get a response, give her a second chance. Try a light-hearted follow up message like this one: But if she still doesn’t bite, move on. The more messages you send, the more desperate you look. Besides, there’s plenty more interesting, attractive women out there so focus your efforts on them. Why Savvy Guys Use Copy & Paste Messages Now let’s talk about the elephant in the room: copy & paste messages. A few online dating “experts” will tell you they don’t work. Online daters are too smart to fall for them. They’re a huge turn off. Blah blah blah. Those guys clearly haven’t done their homework. Here’s the truth in a nutshell. Statistically speaking, you’re looking at an uphill battle. The average guy has to crank out 114 messages in order to be 99% sure of getting one reply – and spend around 6.7 hours a week doing it. Given that fact, why would you spend tons of time scanning each and every woman’s profile, then writing a message customized just for her? That's crazy – you don't have that kind of time, especially when it's a numbers game . There’s a much better way to beat those odds, and boost your response rate at the same time. Here at VIDA, we’ve been using the copy and paste approach since 2009. Not only do copy and paste messages work, but we get incredible results for our clients with them. Our in-house data doesn’t lie. Other industry experts recognize the wisdom of the copy and paste method as well. OkCupid’s Christian Rudder said using template messages not only saves you time in the short term, but they’re a more effective long-term strategy as well. And even if a woman calls you out on sending a template message, so what? You’ve gotten a response that you can turn into a conversation. And many intelligent daters recognize the wisdom of using them, like this woman who weighed in on a Quora forum discussion: When your first message is interesting and creative, the odds are good she’s going to reply to it. Why? Because when you ask her a question that’s fun to think about and respond to, you’ve sparked an emotional connection. That’s the reason you’re not getting good results (if any) with first messages like “Hey” and “Hi there”. Where’s the fun in writing a response to that? And even worse, you’ve put the burden of continuing the conversation on her, so coming up with a response is work for her. The hotter she is, the more burdened with messages she gets, so she’ll only respond to the best messages in her inbox. Nothing kills your online dating game quicker than being dull. Meet More High-Quality Women – Fast! We’ve shared 11 first message examples that work brilliantly, but that’s only the beginning. You’ll be getting a ton of responses, which means you’ve got to keep the online dating conversation going and ask her out. You have to keep her attention every step of the way, and build attraction with every message. Yup – there’s a reason so many guys complain that modern dating is exhausting. You can skip all that stress, and go straight to the dates. With VIDA, it’s really that easy. Our online dating experts handle your profile, your photo, and all that tedious back-and-forth messaging. All you do is show up for the dates! Click here to find out more. About VIDA VIDA Select takes all the frustration, hard work and hassle out of modern dating! From a dedicated personal matchmaker to a crew of professional writers, everything will be handled for you. Wouldn't it be nice to finally stop swiping and start dating higher quality matches so you can meet someone special? Thousands of singles have trusted VIDA Select with this incredibly important mission, and we're ready to make you our next success story. To see if you qualify, answer a few quick questions now. See If You Qualify About VIDA VIDA Select takes all the frustration, hard work and hassle out of modern dating! From a dedicated personal matchmaker to a crew of professional writers, everything will be handled for you. Wouldn't it be nice to finally stop swiping and start dating higher quality matches so you can meet someone special? Thousands of singles have trusted VIDA Select with this incredibly important mission, and we're ready to make you our next success story. To see if you qualify, answer a few quick questions now. See If You Qualify We Do Your Dating For You Find Out If You Qualify! About VIDA VIDA Select takes all the frustration, hard work and hassle out of modern dating! From a dedicated personal matchmaker to a crew of professional writers, everything will be handled for you. Wouldn't it be nice to finally stop swiping and start dating higher quality matches so you can meet someone special? Thousands of singles have trusted VIDA Select with this incredibly important mission, and we're ready to make you our next success story. To see if you qualify, answer a few quick questions now. See If You Qualify Steal Our 8 Best-Performing Profiles. Copy & Paste Our Best Profile Examples To Get More Quality Matches, More Responses, And More Dates! 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Home About Me Visas Jobs Dating Housing My Book Plan Your Move Menu Home » Articles » The 5 Best Dating Sites in Germany (What I Learned) The 5 Best Dating Sites in Germany (What I Learned) German Television Presenter – Andrea Kaiser (Source: Wikimedia Commons) Here is the quick list of my top 5 dating sites in Germany. I’ll go into more detail in my reviews below. eDarling.de (Targeted towards age 35+) LoveScout24.de Parship.de Finya.de OKCupid.com When I first traveled to Germany way back in 2000, online dating really didn’t exist. There were a few sites, but none of them had enough members to make it worthwhile. Since that time, dating via either your PC or smartphone has exploded in popularity. When I was in Frankfurt, Munich, Stuttgart, Ulm, and Heidelberg, I would regularly login to these sites and apps to find thousands of users online at any given time. While you can find good sites in pretty much any niche, the sites and apps I’ll discuss below are geared towards mainstream daters. Oh, and a couple more things before I get into the reviews…a couple of these sites aren’t accessible outside of Germany. So, if you try to sign up, you will be blocked because of your foreign IP address. For best results, fly to Germany first and then sign up. Also, although I won’t discuss Tinder in this post, it is worth downloading it to your phone even though I don’t recommend it for finding a long term relationship. You can definitely find some women (and men) on there interested in a real relationship, but in my experience, it is more geared towards 20 and 30-somethings who want a short-term fling. German Model – Ann Kathrin Brommel (Source: Wikimedia Commons) Without further ado, here is my detailed analysis of the best dating sites in Germany. 1. eDarling.de EDarling.de is the best online dating site in Germany if you are 35+ years old (if you are in your 20s or early 30s, continue on to the #2 site below). It is widely considered the most important dating website across all of Europe. eDarling.de eDarling is another personality-test driven dating website for residents of Germany. eDarling is owned and operated by the same people behind the US website eHarmony. Therefore, a lot of the features you would see on eHarmony, you would also get on eDarling. A site with more women than men, there is no specific type of single person for the site as people of all ages are on there surfing for dates, although a majority of the members are over 35, as I mentioned before. eDarling is clean and professional, runs smoothly, has over 2 million members and employs a great matching system based on a lengthy, detailed personality test. The only drawback is that you’ll have to pay for a premium membership to do much of anything on the site. Bottom-line, if you’re serious about finding a quality match in Germany, and you’re willing to pay, eDarling is a must-try site. Sign up Process To start, select your gender and match gender, email and password. Next, complete eDarling’s personality test, which takes 30-40 minutes to complete and includes around 200 questions about your feelings, values, interests, passions and basic information. Once you’re done with the test, upload a photo if you like. Once eDarling is finished calculating your matches, you are free to browse around. There remains quite a lot to fill out in your profile, however, including 12 sections to write about yourself (What my partner should know about me, etc.) and a section to select what habits and traits you would like and dislike in a partner, choosing 10 for each from a long list (e.g. “My partner should be gentle and friendly” and “My partner should not see themselves as a permanently pitiable victim.”). How to Locate Potential Matches eDarling takes a unique approach here, as there are no standard search or browse features. Rather, eDarling uses complex computer algorithms to compare your test results with those of others on the site, to recommend matches to you daily. eDarling limits you to 7 new matches a day, and as a free member, you can view almost everything in the profiles of your matches, including their personality reports. Unfortunately, you can’t see their photos. As a premium member, you’ll get to see 20 new profiles a day as part of the “What If…” feature. How to Communicate with Other Members Free members can add other profiles to their favorites and send Smiles and 5 Questions, which are chosen from 53 options. Example questions include: “What do you want to happen in the next decade?” “The dance floor is empty and your favorite song is played. What do you do?” “How much personal space is important to you in a relationship?” Premium members can also send basic text messages to each other. Unique Site Features eDarling’s personality test is truly top-of-the-line. It was developed by expert psychologists to measure 29 aspects of your personality, and upon completion of the test, eDarling provides you with an in-depth Personality Dimension Analysis. This analysis compares your levels of Conscientiousness, Agreeableness, Openness, Extraversion, Neuroticism to the average of other members. I really enjoyed being able to read the personality reports of my matches. These reports, combined with their basic information and what they wrote about themselves in the available text boxes, give you a highly detailed look into what these people are like. Even as a free member, without any photos to look at, I was amazed at how well I felt I knew some of these people, just from reading through their profiles. What is Included in Each Membership Level Free – Take the personality test, create a profile, upload photos Premium – See all photos, unlimited communication, view profile visitors, use the mobile app Premium PLUS – Receive 20 extra profile matches in the What If feature, verify your identity, see detailed personality profiles, read message notifications Like I mentioned in the opening, if you have ever used eHarmony, the site is very similar except it’s in Germany. The site is really for those who are more serious about finding someone and not for a simple hookup. The personality questionnaire is time consuming and can be a pain, but once you finish it, you feel better about the matches they give you, and it’s interesting to see what other members answered in comparison to yours. If you’re in Germany or into German men or women, it’s definitely worth the investment, provided you want to find the future love of your life. 2. LoveScout24.de LoveScout Germany LoveScout24 is the second best online dating site in Germany. The site was started in 1997 under the name People United. LoveScout24 is available to users in Germany, Spain, Holland, Italy, France, Switzerland and Austria, with around 1 million active members in Germany alone. This site is available in the native language in each of these countries, but is not available in English. What’s more, the site uses advanced security features to check your IP address location and keep you from registering if you’re not in one of their supported countries. LoveScout24 also seems to repel Google Translator for some reason, which makes it difficult to navigate. If you live outside of Europe, and/or only speak English, this site will be a hassle. But if you are located in one LoveScout24’s supported European countries, and you speak the language, this site is worth checking out, as it has solid features and thousands of quality profiles to look through. Sign up Process Sign up is quicker than it seems. Enter your gender and the gender you’re looking for in a match, your birthday, username, password and email address to begin. From here you’ll be prompted a number of questions about yourself and your ideal match. There are around 20 questions, which you can answer now, or later if you like. To start browsing profiles, simply click on the tab for searches and start browsing. How to Locate Potential Matches LoveScout24’s search function includes Basic and Advanced searches. Basic searches include 5 options: Born on the same day as me It’s their birthday Perfect matches Reverse matches Mutual matches For Advanced searches, you have numerous filters to choose from when creating your search, to ensure that you find that perfect match. Searches can be saved for convenient later use as well. You can look through profiles who are looking for matches that fit your own criteria. You can also give the Shuffle feature a spin. This is basically a Tinder-like feature, in which you’re shown random profiles to like or dislike, and both of you are notified when there’s a mutual match. How to Communicate with Other Members To open communication with a potential match, you’ll first have to upgrade to premium. Then you can start things off with a “smile”. From there, you can move on to actual messages, which unfortunately are text only. You can also start live chats with other online members, also text only. Users can also filter who they receive messages from, and block up to 100 members. Unique Site Features Two features stood out to me on LoveScout24. First, there is the once-a-week email you’ll receive, containing a statistic summary of your profile’s activity, including how many profile visits you received, how many messages were sent and received, etc. If you’re a busy online dater, this will be helpful in keeping track of all your activities. Second is the #LoveYourImperfections portion of the sign-up process, where you select two of your imperfections to stand proudly behind. Personally, I am a Night Owl, and I love to eat! This was a small feature, but refreshing to see because so much of online dating seems to revolve around trying to impress and seem as perfect as possible to attract the ideal mate. What is Included in Each Membership Level Free – Create a profile, upload a photo, search/browse/Watch profiles, receive messages, send messages to Connect members, use Date Roulette limited Premium – Unrestricted use of Date Roulette, see who has visited or favorited you, start live chats and message with anyone Premium Plus – Premium benefits plus advanced profile placement in search results, receive proposals from Partner.de members Connect – Receive messages from free users Select – Select who you can receive messages from 3. Parship.de Parship Germany Parship.de is a good third choice if you’ve run out of options at the site above. Parship.de is the German version of Parship, a dating website that was originally launched in Germany in 2001 and went international in 2002. Parship is now available in many European countries (England, France, Holland, Italy, Spain and Sweden), and Mexico. Parship is a serious dating website, built around a strong matching system. Signing up requires a lengthy personality test, and your matches are based on your test results. While some may be turned off by the time commitment this test requires, I personally love tests like these. If you live in Germany, and you’re seriously looking for a partner, take a look at Parship. Sign up Process Start with your gender, your ideal match gender, email and password. After this, it’s time for the PARSHIP Principle, a scientific questionnaire that will take you 20-60 minutes to complete, depending on how well you know yourself and how quick you normally are with personality tests. This test is mostly made up of multiple-choice questions, but also includes more abstract sections like spontaneously choosing your preference between two abstract images, or picking a title for a dream-image. This test serves as a great barrier-to-entry, weeding out people who aren’t serious about dating. And shockingly you are only done with 35% of your profile after completing the test! How to Locate Potential Matches Unlike most other dating sites out there, Parship doesn’t have a straightforward search feature. While you can see who is online, or who last logged-in, and you can filter your matches by some basic information, the main focus is on Parship’s partner recommendations. Parship compares your test results with other matches, and shows you a compatibility score for each profile. This score is summarized by “Matching Points”, of which my highest match had 113. When browsing through matches, you’ll quickly notice that you can only see blurry photos to begin with. Users either have to explicitly give others’ access to their photos or upgrade to premium to see photos made public. You also don’t see names to begin with, just their occupation (e.g. Nurse, Marketing Executive, etc.), though you can take notes or give profiles nicknames to help you differentiate them. How to Communicate with Other Members To contact other members, you’ll first have to complete at least 50% of your profile. Once you’ve done that, you can add them to your favorites, release your photos to them, or send a compliment (small thumbs up button), a Smile, an “icebreaker” message (mini multiple choice questionnaire), or a text message. Beyond these basics, you’ll communicate a lot to every profile that visits you without saying a word, simply because Parship’s profile compatibility reports are so detailed. Unique Site Features While matching systems can be found on many different dating websites, Parship’s shines as especially impressive. 40 years of research are behind their detailed compatibility test, developed by a Hamburg University Psychology professor. Premium members gain access to their full test results, a whopping 40-page psychological evaluation. But even as a free member, I was pleasantly surprised how much information is available to you. I read through my test results and learned quite a bit about myself, how I work in relationship, and what kind of partner would fit me well. I also found the comparisons between my results and those of other profiles helpful, detailed and illuminating. Parship is so confident in this matching system that they offer a Contact Guarantee: If you have not successfully made contact with another member within 6 months of signing up for a premium membership, you’ll be given another 6-month membership for free. The Parship app is available on both Apple and Android platforms, making it accessible to just about everyone. The most powerful and unique feature of the app is the Parship test, which is proprietary and specific to this app. By working with this unique testing system, Parship can bring something new to the table that other sites can’t. What is Included in Each Membership Level Standard – Create profile, view summary of personality report, reply to messages from premium members, see profiles Premium Lite – View released photos, unlimited communication Premium Classic – Also includes the Contact Guarantee Premium Comfort – Same as Classic except a longer, cheaper subscription 4. Finya.de Finya Finya is a dating site for residents of Germany, Austria and Switzerland. The site launched in 2001, has over 1 million members, and is completely free to use. This can have both positive and negative effects on your experience of this site. The positives are obvious: free is always in the budget! Yet, because it’s free, Finya tends to attract many fake and scammy profiles, and Finya keeps itself free by selling advertising space on the site, which many other users have reported as overly intrusive. I saw hardly any ads in my time on the site, however. Overall, Finya is a great site with an inviting design, solid features, and a huge pool of users to search through. If you’re on a tight budget and looking for some German love, make sure you give this site a try. Sign up Process Signing up is just two steps. First, enter your gender, preferred match gender, email, username, birthday and location. Second, check your email for a verification link. And you’re done. When you’re ready, you can finish filling out your profile by sharing your education, occupation, appearance, what you like and don’t like, and your favorite brands. You can also define who you are looking for, upload photos, and answer up to 100 questions, in 12 categories, including Love and Relationships, Lifestyle, and Character. How to Locate Potential Matches When searching for matches, you have many filter options. There are all the basic filters you’d expect to see (age, location, photos, etc.) and a few unique options, such as whether they’re willing to relocate or their photo rating score. Another option is the Gallery feature, a Tinder-like feature which shows you photos of profiles to like or pass on, and you are notified when there is a mutual match. You can see all the profiles you have liked, and all those who have liked you back, in the Matching tab. You can also find profiles in the Voting section, detailed below. How to Communicate with Other Members Communication features are basic but solid. You can add profiles to your favorites, start instant chats with users that are online, and send messages, which are text only. Unfortunately, there is no audio or video support for messages or chat. Unique Site Features In the Voting section, you are shown two profile photos side-by-side, and you choose who you find more attractive. You can filter the profiles by age, and your selections are kept anonymous. Finya will calculate how attractive each profile is on a scale of 1-10, based on your and other users’ selections when using this feature. Note that you need to have a profile photo uploaded for your selections to be registered. A small feature I liked was the use of dots and dashes to indicate the activity levels of users: 1 dash means the user is seldom active on Finya 2 means regularly active 3 means they are frequently active A bright green dot indicates they are online right now A faded green dot means they’ve been online in the last 24 hours. What is Included in Each Membership Level Standard – Finya is truly completely free. 5. OKCupid.com OkCupid OKCupid is known for relying heavily on user-provided data to find better matches for its diverse user base. This free service lets you answer as many or as few questions as you prefer, and it uses your responses to calculate good potential partners. Although OKCupid targets a massive international crowd, some German users have complained about the low quality. For instance, although having around 30 million possible matches to choose from seems great, the service’s free nature means you’ll probably have to filter through scams to find your next dream date or casual fling. I recommend you try OKCupid as a last resort if you have run out of options at the sites above (I’ve run into some crazy people on OKCupid). Sign-Up Process OKCupid lets users register via Facebook or create completely independent profiles. Everyone chooses a unique username and password, and at the start, you’ll be given a chance to write your own witty description and answer five basic personality questions. From there, all you have to do is “Like” three profiles so that the site knows what you’re looking for. Signing up doesn’t take long unless you really want to go all out. You can add photos, answer numerous questions and share in-depth personal stats or simply follow the default prompts to get to meeting people quicker. How to Locate Potential Matches OKCupid has a pretty simple default interface that lets you browse through other users easily by photo, username, locations and age. Each profile listing also shows percentages. These numbers represent how well the site’s algorithm thinks you match or clash depending on the answers you’ve provided to the questions. In addition to checking out how others described themselves, you can get an idea of what sort of issues matter to them by browsing their profiles in detail. After finding someone you fancy or dislike, you can use the Quickmatch function to indicate how you feel. If two people like each other, the site lets them know. How to Communicate with Other Members OKCupid makes it easy to communicate with someone by liking them, and those with Premium memberships can view their incoming likes. Or send a message using the free text feature. Bear in mind that people can see who viewed their profiles, so your subtle browsing is likely to attract notice. Unique Site Features In addition to answering questions about your habits, preferences and sexuality, you can automatically filter out people who don’t fit the bill. For each question you answer, simply pick the responses you’d find acceptable from a potential partner. Although there are thousands of available questions, many users report that answering as many as possible helps them find better matches. These answers also let the site get a better feel for your personality. For an interesting look behind the scenes of the OKCupid landscape, you can check out the site’s development blog to discover more. Membership Fees and What is Included in Each Membership Level Free – Create a profile, browse, Like, and message other users A-List – Advanced search options, invisible browsing, message filtering, extra message storage, ad-free browsing, username changes, see who has liked you, and see when someone has read your message Incognito Mode – Lets you Like and visit profiles invisibly, hides your profile from searches. Profile Boosts – Appear more often in searches and at the top of the list in Quickmatch. As I mention in my online dating e-book, with all of the dating sites above, just like the real world, there will be women or men who you will not click with or who don’t respond to your messages (or just disappear). There will be women or men who might only be interested in helping you to part with your money. That is life. Just keep sending out messages and reach out until you find the person you are looking for and get success. As is typical with online dating, expect a response rate of around 1-10%. This response rate will depend largely on the quality of your photos and how good your profile is. (response rate = people who will respond back to you to whom you sent an introduction message). So there you have it. The best dating sites and apps in Germany. Viel Glück! (Good luck in German) Further Reading Worldwide Online Dating Site Reviews: Be sure to check out my country-by-country reviews of the best online dating sites in the world. Worldwide Moving Guide: Everything you need to know in order to plan your move to 65+ countries around the world. Worldwide Jobs Guide: If you are interested in working in this country, be sure to check out my posts on how to find jobs in this country and other countries around the world. Worldwide Apartments Guide: If you are interested in renting an apartment in another country, take a look at my articles on how to find an apartment in various countries around the world. About Addison Sears-Collins Hey! I'm Addison Sears-Collins, the founder of Visa Hunter. You can learn more about me here. Connect with me by liking my fan page on Facebook, connecting with me on Twitter, or check out my website Automatic Addison where I build robots and embedded systems. Visahunter.com accepts no responsibility or liability whatsoever with regard to the accuracy of the information contained on this site. Please read the Visitor Agreement and Disclaimer. If you think there is an error in the information, please bring it to our attention so that we can correct it. Also, some of the links above could be affiliate links, which means that I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you) should you decide to click on the links and make a purchase. I recommend sites from time to time, not because I get a tiny commission if you click on the links and make a purchase, but because, I want you to focus on the places that will deliver you the most value and the best results. Good luck! 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